Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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