At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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