my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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