I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
