This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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