Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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