I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
