I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
