FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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