i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
