Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
