just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
