Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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