Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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