Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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