I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your cock deserves a montage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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