Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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