so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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