remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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