nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
