im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
