Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
