Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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