Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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