he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
