I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
