If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
