Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
