I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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