we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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