I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
