I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
