Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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