he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
