Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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