he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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