I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
