my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
