You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
