Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
