around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
