After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
