i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
