So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
