If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
