If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
