look no pants
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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