Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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