she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
