Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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