So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
