Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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