We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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