these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
