I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
